How to Prepare 2 Year Old for New Baby

No Longer the Baby

When I was meaning with my second child, my biggest concern wasn't my horrible morn sickness or decorating the nursery. It was how my then ii 1/2-year-old daughter would feel about our new add-on and if I could ward off sibling rivalry earlier my son even arrived. And I know I'm not alone.

Whether you're nigh to add a child to your family unit or already have 2 (or more than) squabbling kids, how they get forth is probably on your heed. "Though sibling rivalry is natural (and inevitable), existence proactive in those early on days and years tin can have a big touch on your children's relationship down the road," says Laurie Kramer, PhD, professor of applied family studies and managing director of the Family Resiliency Heart at the Academy of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign.

At the heart of sibling rivalry is the fact that brothers and sisters have to share their parents' love and attention too as infinite and possessions. They're also figuring out their place in the family and concerned about fair handling and control. The skilful news? "Somewhen, your children learn to adapt to one some other and share their parents with each other," says T. Drupe Brazelton, Md, author of Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Mode (Perseus Books). Hither are fifteen ways (some of them simple) to assistance make that happen.

• How to Explain, "Mommy's Having a Baby"

Adapting Once Baby's Habitation

• Screen the sibling stuff. Earlier sharing those "becoming a big sister or brother" books and DVDs with your kid, accept a look at them. "A lot of the information that's meant to prepare kids for a new baby focuses on the conflict or dissatisfaction that comes with having a sibling," says Kramer. In her research, a lot of mothers said that their children felt positive about having a sibling and that they were worried these conflict-ridden books and shows were introducing their kids to issues they weren't even thinking near. "They can requite kids the idea that non getting along is a possibility," says Kramer. Look for materials that describe the big blood brother or sis equally caring and warm (ane of our favorites is I'thousand a Big Sister or I'm a Big Brother by Joanna Coles). Save those that highlight negative emotions (like Za-Za'southward Baby Brother by Lucy Cousins) until after your child has experienced these feelings, so she'due south reassured they're normal.
• Don't proceed the baby a mystery. Even kids every bit immature as 18 months to 2 years tin can feel that things are changing, and so non mentioning your new addition until he arrives is a bad thought. "Talking most the infant alee of time helps to prepare your child," says Dr. Brazelton. "Your discussion is not so much an annunciation every bit an credence of the baby every bit a hereafter step for the whole family." Accentuate the positives by telling your older kid that she'll have someone new to love. Explicate that this babe volition be her picayune sister or blood brother, so she'll run into having a sibling as a privilege or gift. Then again, don't overdo it. "Too much discussion of the wonder of it all will set her up for even more rivalry with the 'matter' in Mommy's tummy," says Dr. Brazelton.
• Draw the infant every bit a real person with his ain needs and interests. For example, explain how babies need milk and diapers and that they slumber a lot. "Enquiry shows that parents who talk openly to their children before the new baby and who explicate that he or she is a real person tend to have kids who go along amend down the route," says Kramer. "We talked well-nigh the baby a lot with my 5-twelvemonth-old daughter. Nosotros let her pick things for his room and had her draw pictures for him," says Alyssa Sadoff, a mother of 2 from New York City. "By talking nearly the infant, without taking the focus off her, there was no jealousy, only excitement and enthusiasm when her blood brother finally arrived."
• Encourage friendships. Studies evidence that children who have at to the lowest degree one close friend before their sibling is born have better relationships with their new brother or sis. Kramer followed kids from when they were toddlers until they graduated from high schoolhouse and found that this impact was long term.
• Don't blame your belly. While you lot're pregnant, your growing midsection may be the reason you can't get downwards on the floor for a tea party with your toddler. But don't tell her that. She may think it's the baby'due south fault, and resentment may build before your little one is fifty-fifty born.
• Give your older kid someone to honey. When you lot come up dwelling house from the hospital with your package of joy, give your older child a new doll or animal to care for. "This way he can nurture information technology while you nurture the infant, which gives him something to practice while you're busy, and it can help him identify with you a lilliputian chip more," says Dr. Brazelton. This strategy worked for Sara Mason Ader, a female parent of two from Hingham, Massachusetts. "The one affair that got my 2-twelvemonth-quondam daughter to sit still (and cease climbing on me) when I was nursing my son was that she saturday next to me, pulled up her shirt, and 'nursed' her doll too."
• Boost his ego. Brand your child feel proud and connected to the new babe by proverb things like, "She merely smiles like that when you're around" or "She likes when you hold her bottle." You can also make your older kid feel practiced by having him testify the footling one how he does things, such as put on his socks or brush his teeth.
• Create a little helper. While you're pregnant, let your older child cull a few things for the babe (such as books or toys). When he is born, let her assist yous feed, bathe, and dress him (with age-appropriate boundaries, of course). For example, a preschooler can fetch you lot a diaper or option which bodysuit her little brother volition wear that day. Assisting you volition make her feel included and important. Nonetheless, if she does non desire to assist, don't strength information technology, or it tin can be counterproductive.
• Don't downplay the babe. "Some conventional communication suggests de-emphasizing the importance of the new baby compared to your older child," says Kramer. "But that could start a life of competition between the siblings or brand the older one feel entitled to special handling." Instead, explain that new babies require a lot of attending and that she received the same handling when she was a infant, but she doesn't need that help anymore. "Your child is more likely to sympathize if yous link your behavior to the baby'due south needs," says Kramer. My daughter responded well when I explained that babies are so tiny and new that they don't know how to do anything like feed or dress themselves -- things that "large" girls like her were then good at. When I emphasized this, not only was she more accepting of her fiddling blood brother, but she was so proud of being older that she tried to be even more than contained.

As They Get Older

• Stay out of it. When information technology comes to older kids, unless something dangerous is happening, don't jump in the middle of an statement or get worked upwardly when they fight. "When parents become involved, it makes fighting more than exciting to the kids, and they may utilise it as a way to get your attention," cautions Dr. Brazelton. Plus, taking sides or jumping to one kid's defense tin lead to resentment. Letting them solve problems and compromise teaches them valuable life skills.
• Avowal about their expert behavior. Instead of giving your children attending when they're bopping each other with Mega Bloks, practise information technology when they're adept. "Praise them when they piece of work out a conflict or are sharing, and point out how good it is that they have managed on their own," says Kerry Caverly, an early on childhood practiced at the Parents every bit Teachers National Heart. Kids love positive reinforcement, so they may keep it up in hopes of getting more.
• Don't separate them. "A lot of parents are then concerned nigh minimizing conflict betwixt their kids that they tend to keep a toddler away from an babe, become them involved in different activities, or give them separate bedrooms," says Kramer. "These things may subtly give kids the message that it's not of import for them to develop a strong human relationship." Instead, make certain to tell your kids that their bond is special and find things they bask doing together.
• Lose the labels. You probably know that you shouldn't compare or characterization your kids, just make sure others (from strangers to grandparents) don't do it either. For case, you call one of your kids "creative" or "athletic." "This may induce competition, because information technology puts a value on being creative or athletic and makes a child recollect he'due south not as valuable as his blood brother if he's not that way," explains Caverly.
• Carve out time for each kid. With busy families and lives, information technology's easy for a younger child to constantly trail along to an older one's activities. This can lead to resentment if the lilliputian one thinks the world revolves around his big brother or sister. "Make time to do something special with each child," says Caverly. And when you are, say, watching your firstborn play soccer, make your youngest experience important by designating him the game photographer.
• Call up that fair doesn't always mean equal. "As a parent, y'all can't treat your children equally considering they're different people," says Caverly. For example, 1 child may respond to being disciplined with a fourth dimension-out, while some other responds just from hearing you heighten your voice. You have to utilize what works for each. This also goes for when y'all're taking one child out and not the other. For example, even if y'all're taking your younger child to the doctor, the older one may be jealous at not having you to herself. Explicate that today her sister needs to go to the doctor and that some other 24-hour interval she will. If kids feel there is a reason for beingness treated differently and that it's justified, yous'll stir upwards less rivalry.

Siblings hugging

Credit: Erin Patrice O'Brien

I'thou happy to study that all my worrying most how my daughter would feel about a new baby and how well they'd get forth turned out to be unnecessary. Aye, there are days when she will tackle my ii-twelvemonth-onetime for touching her markers, or he'll throw an Elmo doll at her. But far more often, I'll find them laughing together, playing tag, and cuddling on the couch watching Dora. At to the lowest degree for now.

From Firstborn to Sibling

How your first may fare during those first months with a new baby are uncharted territory, says T. Berry Brazelton, MD, author of Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Way (Perseus Books). Here are a few things to wait from your firstborn child:

• Tantrums may get more common, especially when the baby is getting attention.
• During the baby'south fussy period at night, a toddler may likewise have a meltdown.
• To pull you away from your new add-on, your older child may seek out a forbidden activeness that he knows you'll react to.
• He or she may slide backward in any new developmental area such as talking, sleeping through the night, or potty training.
• Some children get through the outset months easily without interim up and may even exist helpful and compliant. But this probably won't last, and so expect some of the above at a later date.

Rewards of Having Siblings

While having more kids means a heavier workload for Mom and Dad, also as a bigger fiscal burden, "nothing tin can be more of a gift to a child than a sibling," says T. Berry Brazelton, Dr., author of Understanding Sibling Rivalry: The Brazelton Style (Perseus Books). Hither's why:

• All that bickering is teaching your kids to negotiate, compromise, solve issues, and recognize other people's needs.
• Siblings larn how to tolerate painful emotions, because fights with a brother or a sister can often exist harsher than those with others in their life.
• Younger siblings take someone older to watch and learn from constantly, while older siblings get experience nurturing, teaching, and leading.
• Brothers and sisters learn to share and to enjoy giving to others.
• Siblings have companionship and a close friend for life.

Mom's Little Helpers

Adapting to a bigger breed takes fourth dimension, but your older kids may adopt a adoring (even helpful!) function:

"If I'm changing Nora's diaper, Maeve says, 'Okay, Nora, let me sing y'all a song.' Nora just sits in that location and stares at her big sister." -- Kate, Elevation, New Jersey, mom to Maeve, iii, and Nora, 1

"I call Zachary the 'third parent.' Correct now he'southward "education" Andrew to use the potty!" -- Alisa, Boxford, Massachusetts, mom to Zachary, vii, and Andrew, 3

"Cassidy has a lot of fun pretending Cale is her prince or her puppy, which keeps them both happy!" -- Colleen, Missoula, Montana, mom to Cassidy, 4, and Cale, 21 months

"At a political party, one of the older kids was yelling at Veronica. Anita said, 'Stop yelling at my sister! You're going to make her cry.' I was touched past her protectiveness." -- Sonia, East Greenwich, Rhode Island, mom to Anita, 4, and Veronica, 19 months

"My boys were very sugariness when our 3rd child was born. Matthew gave Chris toys that he wouldn't exist able to play with for years, and Jack became upset if he idea I wasn't responding to the crying quickly plenty." -- Kate, Pelham, New York, mom to Jack, 10, Matthew, 7, and Chris, 5

Michele Bender is a mother of two and a freelance author in New York Urban center.

The data on this Web site is designed for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed medical communication or intendance. You should non use this data to diagnose or treat whatever wellness problems or illnesses without consulting your pediatrician or family unit doctor. Please consult a doctor with whatever questions or concerns you might have regarding your or your child's status.

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Source: https://www.parents.com/baby/development/sibling-issues/how-to-help-your-firstborn-adapt-to-baby/

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